I've known for a while that it was coming. I've winced with nervous dread many a time as my wife scanned through the DVR, looking for something to watch in the interest of making room for yet another Real Housewives of wherever. It has stared back at me from it's spot near the bottom of the alphabetized queue... solemn, unmovable and implacable. TWILIGHT. Being as that my better half has been subjected to sitting through countless Fulci chunkblowers, not to mention the innumerable brain dead slashers and morally questionable Italian cannibal epics, I feel it only fair for me to occasionally tread more conventional waters. But this whole Twilight thing has always irked me. Not for some supposed stake of horror superiority or being able to espouse that "vampires don't sparkle, man!". I simply have long been of the belief that it's something not aimed at me, so why would I bother complaining about or endlessly, breathlessly railing against it. I am neither the gender or age targeted by the brutal media campaign being waged on today's teen girls with the precision and force of Rommel leading the 7th Panzer division into France by skirting the Maginot line.
My point is, I was sort of just hoping they would release all 18 films (or however many they pad this out to) and the Twilight phenomena could run its course without me having to get my eyeballs dirty. No such luck though, not for this pop culture glutton and admitted media savant. So, with much recalcitrance, I braced myself as my wife hit play and the "saga" began to unfold.
I won't make any bones about it, the first Twilight film is utterly horrible. It's cloying, forced teen drama is absolutely embarrassing to behold. It's less a film than a collection of overheated, desirous glances between two of the most vapid leads imaginable. Even if, like me, you'd read enough in the media to know what to expect, it's still somewhat shocking to experience firsthand how heavy handed the nature in which the ham fisted narrative is presented. When Robert Pattinson's "vampire" character Edward Cullen shows his true, sparkling form to Kirsten Stewart's Bella and says something to the effect of "See, I'm a monster!" my wife and I broke into gales of incredulous laughter. But, as the film laboriously plows through such moments of ass clenching exposition, a strange thing begins to happen. One becomes inured to the inanity of it all due to the brazenly dumb earnestness of its presentation. I respect that this film set out to hit an extraordinarily large target and managed to verily obliterate said target through sheer simple mindedness. Despite an admittedly vast tonal gulf between Twilight and the best of my favorite horror films, they manage to do the most important thing that films of their varied ilk can do. They succeed in giving their intended audience exactly what they went to the theater to see.
So, imagine my surprise when I heard the words, "Well, let's rent the next one On demand and see if it gets any better. I guess I kind of want to see the werewolf stuff." escape my lips! Turns out, the second film, New Moon, is vastly superior. The romance becomes a love triangle when one of Bella's friends hits puberty and, with the help of an ancient family curse (and no small amount of steroids), becomes a potential suitor. For you see, he can offer Bella protection without having to turn her into an undead, soulless vampire. This is the Team Edward/Team Jacob stuff you've heard so much about. That's all there is to it friends. Twilight is nothing more than a tale of a young girl coming of age, torn between two men and the decision of choosing what's best for her or choosing what she wants most. Not exactly Videodrome, but it's serviceable and in all honesty exactly the amount of subtext this sort of story needs. New Moon also sees the leads and supporting characters taking on more dimension and the inclusion of some well shot and thrilling (albeit quite tame) action set pieces doesn't hurt either.
Then, as if driven by some completest compulsion, I went with the little lady to the new chapter Eclipse today. The third, and best, of the Twilight films is Directed by David Slade of 30 Days of Night and Hard Candy fame and his signature visual intensity and assured hand with heightened drama between 2 characters in extreme closeup fits the series like a glove. The dynamic between Jacob and Edward as they vie for Bella is dealt with a refreshing amount of humor, heart and intelligence. There is one scene in particular where the 2 monster Romeo's have a measured, thoughtful debate while Bella sleeps that had me hanging on every word and weighing the merits of each of their assertions. It's a quiet, well played scene that engages the viewer and actually lends weight and meaning to the proceedings. The final fight of this film that plays out in a wide open field between giant Wolves and lithe Vampires is exciting beyond belief and void of the insipid editing that robs most current action films of their intensity. As the film concluded, I found myself honestly, earnestly and dumbly looking forward to the next installment. A feat most modern film series cannot lay claim to.
Much, too much has been made of the throwback chivalry and wait until you're married message. I've never read the Stephanie Myers source material, nor do I intend to, so I can't vouch for the validity of the Mormon brainwashing claims laid at its feet. What I do know, is that in an era where young girls are shown sex tape vixens as role models for success and fame and encouraged to "go wild" in the interests of providing lascivious grown men with a tangible porno mag for a partner, Bella is a revelation as a lead female character. She doesn't dress like a Suicide Girl or down shots of Patron trying to win the heart of washed up glam rockers. She's trying to develop a real, lasting relationship with a man whose only wish is to protect and cherish her. I've heard a lot of hullabaloo about a recent film entitled Deadgirl, in which 2 outcast teen boys find a zombie girl chained to the wall of an abandoned factory and take turns raping her for the films duration. So, please excuse me if I find something touching and dare I say important about a film that millions of teen aged boys are going to see that models and glorifies the apparently antiquated and passe notion of treating women with respect and defending their honor at all costs. Edward and Jacob are 2 dudes any father would happily entrust their daughter's well being with, and the fact that they're presented as such powerful figures is a commendable and refreshing choice.
Horror fans of my age need not hate this series of films. They do nothing disrespectful to denigrate the mystique of the Werewolf or Vampire archetype. So they sparkle, so what? We still have Reggie Nalder's Barlow, Oldman's Vlad and Schreck's Nosferatu to keep us up at night. There's no need to spit venom at a group of teen girls enjoying being caught up in a world that appeals to them. I left behind the playground tactics 20 some years ago and to continually harp on these silly, fanciful flicks without even bothering to sit through them smacks of unwarranted bullying. I'll gladly go on the record as saying the Twilight films are infinitely better than the Underworld ones and a billion times better than those interminable Harry Potter atrocities with their suffocating production design and the bludgeoning torpor they induce in the viewer. So yeah, lighten up a bit fellas. I'd even go so far as to say, sparkle a bit.
My point is, I was sort of just hoping they would release all 18 films (or however many they pad this out to) and the Twilight phenomena could run its course without me having to get my eyeballs dirty. No such luck though, not for this pop culture glutton and admitted media savant. So, with much recalcitrance, I braced myself as my wife hit play and the "saga" began to unfold.
I won't make any bones about it, the first Twilight film is utterly horrible. It's cloying, forced teen drama is absolutely embarrassing to behold. It's less a film than a collection of overheated, desirous glances between two of the most vapid leads imaginable. Even if, like me, you'd read enough in the media to know what to expect, it's still somewhat shocking to experience firsthand how heavy handed the nature in which the ham fisted narrative is presented. When Robert Pattinson's "vampire" character Edward Cullen shows his true, sparkling form to Kirsten Stewart's Bella and says something to the effect of "See, I'm a monster!" my wife and I broke into gales of incredulous laughter. But, as the film laboriously plows through such moments of ass clenching exposition, a strange thing begins to happen. One becomes inured to the inanity of it all due to the brazenly dumb earnestness of its presentation. I respect that this film set out to hit an extraordinarily large target and managed to verily obliterate said target through sheer simple mindedness. Despite an admittedly vast tonal gulf between Twilight and the best of my favorite horror films, they manage to do the most important thing that films of their varied ilk can do. They succeed in giving their intended audience exactly what they went to the theater to see.
So, imagine my surprise when I heard the words, "Well, let's rent the next one On demand and see if it gets any better. I guess I kind of want to see the werewolf stuff." escape my lips! Turns out, the second film, New Moon, is vastly superior. The romance becomes a love triangle when one of Bella's friends hits puberty and, with the help of an ancient family curse (and no small amount of steroids), becomes a potential suitor. For you see, he can offer Bella protection without having to turn her into an undead, soulless vampire. This is the Team Edward/Team Jacob stuff you've heard so much about. That's all there is to it friends. Twilight is nothing more than a tale of a young girl coming of age, torn between two men and the decision of choosing what's best for her or choosing what she wants most. Not exactly Videodrome, but it's serviceable and in all honesty exactly the amount of subtext this sort of story needs. New Moon also sees the leads and supporting characters taking on more dimension and the inclusion of some well shot and thrilling (albeit quite tame) action set pieces doesn't hurt either.
Then, as if driven by some completest compulsion, I went with the little lady to the new chapter Eclipse today. The third, and best, of the Twilight films is Directed by David Slade of 30 Days of Night and Hard Candy fame and his signature visual intensity and assured hand with heightened drama between 2 characters in extreme closeup fits the series like a glove. The dynamic between Jacob and Edward as they vie for Bella is dealt with a refreshing amount of humor, heart and intelligence. There is one scene in particular where the 2 monster Romeo's have a measured, thoughtful debate while Bella sleeps that had me hanging on every word and weighing the merits of each of their assertions. It's a quiet, well played scene that engages the viewer and actually lends weight and meaning to the proceedings. The final fight of this film that plays out in a wide open field between giant Wolves and lithe Vampires is exciting beyond belief and void of the insipid editing that robs most current action films of their intensity. As the film concluded, I found myself honestly, earnestly and dumbly looking forward to the next installment. A feat most modern film series cannot lay claim to.
Much, too much has been made of the throwback chivalry and wait until you're married message. I've never read the Stephanie Myers source material, nor do I intend to, so I can't vouch for the validity of the Mormon brainwashing claims laid at its feet. What I do know, is that in an era where young girls are shown sex tape vixens as role models for success and fame and encouraged to "go wild" in the interests of providing lascivious grown men with a tangible porno mag for a partner, Bella is a revelation as a lead female character. She doesn't dress like a Suicide Girl or down shots of Patron trying to win the heart of washed up glam rockers. She's trying to develop a real, lasting relationship with a man whose only wish is to protect and cherish her. I've heard a lot of hullabaloo about a recent film entitled Deadgirl, in which 2 outcast teen boys find a zombie girl chained to the wall of an abandoned factory and take turns raping her for the films duration. So, please excuse me if I find something touching and dare I say important about a film that millions of teen aged boys are going to see that models and glorifies the apparently antiquated and passe notion of treating women with respect and defending their honor at all costs. Edward and Jacob are 2 dudes any father would happily entrust their daughter's well being with, and the fact that they're presented as such powerful figures is a commendable and refreshing choice.
Horror fans of my age need not hate this series of films. They do nothing disrespectful to denigrate the mystique of the Werewolf or Vampire archetype. So they sparkle, so what? We still have Reggie Nalder's Barlow, Oldman's Vlad and Schreck's Nosferatu to keep us up at night. There's no need to spit venom at a group of teen girls enjoying being caught up in a world that appeals to them. I left behind the playground tactics 20 some years ago and to continually harp on these silly, fanciful flicks without even bothering to sit through them smacks of unwarranted bullying. I'll gladly go on the record as saying the Twilight films are infinitely better than the Underworld ones and a billion times better than those interminable Harry Potter atrocities with their suffocating production design and the bludgeoning torpor they induce in the viewer. So yeah, lighten up a bit fellas. I'd even go so far as to say, sparkle a bit.
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