Not nearly crazy enough

I went and saw the remake of Romero's The Crazies today. Having thought the original was a meandering, pointless stop-gap between NOTLD and Dawn of the Dead, I've never been all that jazzed to see this slick update from the son of former Disney chairman Michael Eisner. But, I was in possession of free time and disposable cash and wanted to as Robert Forster put it in Jackie Brown, see something that "started soon and looked good". For the first 40 minutes or so, I thought we might have a minor masterpiece on our hands here. Then, the inevitable hissing sound of the air being let out of the tires as this horror/action vehicle falls flat, having been overburdened by ball-less plot developments and predictable set-pieces slapped together with tired cliche's.

A damn shame considering how stunning the opening is. I've long been fascinated by the preponderance of people in our society who simply snap and walk into a public place with the means and intention to kill as many people possible before being taken out themselves. I can think of few things more terrifying than suddenly being thrust into a life and death situation with the safety of my family, myself and those around me in the hands of a homicidal misanthrope with nothing to live for. Virginia Tech and Columbine and the like get an enormous amount of press initially, but then we as a culture seem to sweep these incidents under the rug and ignore the societal issues that give rise to such despicable and desperate, not to mention potentially avoidable atrocities. This is the true horror of the modern age, these are the gnarled roots of paranoia and distrust of fellow man. This is the nightmare that wakes me up gasping and scanning the room for phantom intruders intent on taking away my life and my family.

So, there is a lot of subtext to chew on there and the first scene of The Crazies establishes the tone and danger impeccably. We see a small town baseball game in progress, the Sheriff and his deputy exchange banter amidst a jovial spring time atmosphere. Suddenly, a disheveled man carrying a shotgun determinedly strolls into center field sending a wave of panic and unease though all in attendance. The sheriff dutifully approaches this man with the intent to disarm him without incident. This of course does not happen and the sheriff is forced to take his life.

Now, unlike most modern genre films, we see the shotgun toting farmers family confront the sheriff in a tense, sad scene and we see the lawman at home struggling with his decision. The death, the murder, has weight. It affects people and means something. If only the film had the audacity to further explore the implications of this brave, horrible new world. Then we would have really had something. Instead it backpedals to a comfort zone of suspense scenarios followed by jump scares followed by the loss of a group member. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's so disheartening cause the film makers were on the right track with plenty of room to maneuver and themes to explore. Characters aren't forced to make decisions and emotionally deal with the consequences of them after this compelling beginning. They're simply required to fight their way out of corners they shouldn't have put themselves in. Romero's beloved Government conspiracy angle is reduced to a lazy afterthought significant only in that it occasions the appearance of soldiers in bad-ass haz-mat suits, black helicopters and the requisite great big explosion at the end.

Don't get me wrong, this is passable entertainment. There is some truly bang-up set pieces, specifically the pitchfork massacre and the jarring car wash sequence. It's stylishly filmed with wonderful acting that elevates every frame, but it could have been so much more. I'm getting to the point where I need more than regret at the missed opportunity to stick with me after the credits roll.